Who Are You Becoming?

Oct 14

There comes a point in life when you begin to ask yourself different questions. For some it’s no longer about how do I get that next promotion? Do I need a fancier car to impress my clients? Are we living in the best school district?

For years, the questions may have been about what ladder to climb, what would attract more, and what was best for the kids, and the responsibilities that were waiting for you tomorrow.

You built a career. You raised a family. You showed up for the people who counted on you. You made decisions, solved problems, navigated appointments and disappointments, celebrated successes, and kept you and the rest of the family moving forward. Even on the days when you weren't entirely sure you had the energy to do it all. But you did it anyway!

Somewhere along the crazy, frenetic path of life, you became really good at being the person everyone else needed you to be.

But what happens when life begins to change? I know, I’ve been there.

When our last daughter left home to go away to college, boy did my life change. More than I ever imagined. And it was very hard to accept that we weren’t going back to being that busy, loud, goofy, all-under-one-roof family. She wasn’t just away for the weekend and would soon be barreling through the door. The house was so quiet! The demands that once filled every hour of our days began to ease.

Things were changing.

I…was changing.

I had to figure out who I was now.

Maybe you've experienced a similar transition, a loss, or a moment that made you question what you want the next chapter of your life to look like.

Or perhaps nothing particularly dramatic has happened at all. You just find yourself sitting quietly one evening, wondering when the life you've worked so hard to build became so familiar that you stopped asking whether it still feels and looks like what you planned.

You may not have an answer right now. I didn’t at first. But I can tell you for certain, the question is worth exploring.

Who are you becoming?

When the Roles We Play Begin to Change

For much of our lives, our identities are closely connected to the roles we hold. We are parents, spouses, daughters and sons, friends, professionals, leaders, caregivers, chauffeurs, math tutors, and problem solvers. To name a few. These roles can bring tremendous meaning to our lives. They shape us, teach us, and give us opportunities to love, contribute, and grow.

When the roles that defined our identity changes, we can find ourselves facing an unexpected question. Like…who am I outside of all of that? If I’m not someone’s mom, someone’s spouse, someone’s boss, someone’s-fill-in-the-blank…who am I?

It's not an easy question to answer when you've spent decades being dependable, capable, and available. When people know you as the one who figures things out, asking for help may not come naturally. When your days have been organized around the needs of others, identifying your own desires can feel strangely unfamiliar.

You might even feel a little guilty or selfish for asking - what do I want?

After all, you have a good life. You have people who love you. You've accomplished things you once dreamed about. Why would you need anything different?

Because gratitude and the desire for growth can exist together. Self-discovery is part of who we are.

You can appreciate the life you've built and still feel curious about what else might be possible. You can love your family and want more time for yourself. You can be proud of your career and recognize that your definition of success is changing. In fact, maybe it’s time to redefine what success looks like at this time in your life.

You May Have Changed More Than You Realize

One of the interesting things about personal growth is that it doesn't always announce itself in a way that’s apparent to you or to others. It can sneak up on you so gradually that you don't recognize it until something in your life brings it into focus.

The things that once motivated you may no longer hold the same appeal. The approval you once worked so hard to earn may feel less important. You may find yourself caring less about keeping up appearances and more about how you actually feel at the end of the day.

Maybe you want more flexibility and fewer obligations. Perhaps you want to travel, learn something new, return to a interest you set aside a long time ago, or explore a different kind of work.

It could be that what you want is harder to describe. You just know that the way you've been living no longer fits quite as comfortably as it once did. Lean into that feeling. Resist the urge to avoid thinking about it because you’re uncomfortable.

Growth sometimes begins with the willingness to acknowledge that what once fit may no longer be what you need.

You Don't Have to Reinvent Everything

When we talk about personal growth, it's easy to imagine a dramatic transformation. A new career. A new city. A completely different routine. A bold decision that changes everything. And if that’s for you, then go for it! But for most people facing the changes midlife brings, the changes are often small. Gradual. And sometimes only noticeable to you.

It can mean scheduling an hour each week for something you love. It can mean speaking honestly about what you need instead of automatically accommodating everyone else. It can mean taking a class, reaching out to someone you've lost touch with, or finally exploring an idea you've been setting aside for years.

While these changes may not look particularly impressive from the outside, they can change how you experience your life. They can also give you the confidence to start looking at what’s important to you more often and not shy away from positive changes.

Give Yourself Permission to Begin

When my own home became very quiet once it was just me and my husband, part of me thought I needed someone to tap me on the shoulder and tell me “it’s okay Mischelle, you can start now.” While I don’t fully understand why that was, I can say it was incredibly freeing to realize - I don’t need permission. I can focus on me now.

You can take a small step without knowing where it will lead. You can explore a possibility without making a commitment. You can acknowledge a desire without immediately turning it into another item on your to-do list.

You can just begin. You do not have to have everything figured out.

Take that trip. Start that dance class. Call a friend to go to dinner. Take that new job. It doesn’t matter how big or small, allow yourself the luxury to explore what’s next without demanding an immediate outcome.

A Few Moments for Reflection

Find a quiet moment this week. Pour a cup of coffee or tea, open your journal, and give yourself a little space to think without interruption.

Consider these questions:

What parts of my life feel most like me right now? What do those moments have in common?
What have I continued doing out of habit or obligation? Would I choose those things again today?
What interests, dreams, or possibilities have I been putting aside? Is there one I'd like to revisit?
What does success look like for me now? What matters to me now that may not have mattered as much ten or twenty years ago?
What would I like more of in this season of my life? What do I genuinely want?

Write what comes to mind, even if it surprises you. The goal is not perfection; there is no perfect answer. Allow yourself the opportunity to dream. That is part of the process.

In Closing

Perhaps one of the greatest gifts of getting older is the opportunity to see yourself with a little more grace and compassion.

You are allowed to want something different, free of apologies!

So, as you move through this season of what’s next, remember: be open, be curious, be unapologetic, be adventurous, and be gracious with yourself. You are beginning this journey with a lifetime of experience, a deeper understanding of yourself, and the freedom to decide what comes next.

There is something beautiful about that.

Until next time…